• bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
• BritneySpears14: Aight.
• bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
• BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
• bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
• BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
• bloodninja: Me too baby.
• BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
• bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
• BritneySpears14: Hey...
• bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
• BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
• bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
• BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
• bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
• bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
• BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
• bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts
• DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
• bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
• bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
• bloodninja: Baby?

• bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
• j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
• bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
• j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
• j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
• bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
• j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
• j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
• bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
• j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
• bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
• j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
• bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
• bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
• j_gurli3: thats it.
• bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
• bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

• BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
• eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
• BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
• eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
• BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
• BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
• eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
• BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
• eminemBNJA: Oh ****
• BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
• eminemBNJA: Oh ****
• eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

• Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
• Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
• Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
• Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
• Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
• Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
• Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
• Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
• Sarah19fca: you like that?
• Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
• Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
• Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
• Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
• Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
• Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
• Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
• Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
• Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
• Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
• Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
• Sarah19fca: /ignore
• Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
• Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

• Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
• DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
• DirtyKate:Who are you?
• Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
• Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
• DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
• Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
• DirtyKate: Haha! OK
• DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
• Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
• DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
• Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
• DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
• DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
• Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
• **pause**
• DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
• Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
• Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
• **pause**
• DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
• Bloodninja:How did you know?
• Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
• Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
• DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
• Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
• DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
• Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
• DirtyKate:What the f**k?
• DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
• DirtyKate:F**k

• Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
• MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
• Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
• MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
• Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
• Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
• (pause)
• MommyMelissa: is that it?
• Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
• Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
• MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
• (pause)
• Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
• Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
• MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
• Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
• Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
• MommyMelissa: ...
• Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
• MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
• Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
• MommyMelissa: whatever.

• Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
• J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
• Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
• J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
• Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
• J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
• Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
• J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
• Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
• J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
• Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
• J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
• Partner6: It likes that.
• J-Dogg: aight.
• Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
• J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
• Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
• J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
• Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
• J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
• Partner6: WTF?!
• J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
• Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
• J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
• Partner6: You dipshit.
• J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
• J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

• J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
• Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
• J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
• J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
• J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
• Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
• J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
• Partner8: Is that like cancer?
• J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
• Partner8: Good one romeo.
• J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

		The salmon swim at night.
		Towards your room.
		The snow and the moon.
		

• Partner8: that was never a haiku.
• J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
• Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
• J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
• Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
• J-Dogg: ...
• Partner8: ?
• J-Dogg: I'm spent.

• Jdogg:Hey
• QT-Pie:Hey
• Jdogg:whats goin on
• QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
• Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
• QT-Pie:what does that mean?
• Jdogg:what are you wearing?
• QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
• Jdogg:Garter belt?
• QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
• Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
• QT-Pie: uh, okay.
• Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
• Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
• QT-Pie: WHAT?!
• Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
• Jdogg: You leave everything to jdogg.
• Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
• QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
• Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
• QT-Pie: A stripe?
• Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
• QT-Pie: You're a freak.
• Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

• Girl: Hi
• Boy: hello
• Boy: who is this?
• Girl: just a someone?
• Boy: A someone I know?
• Girl: nope
• Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
• Girl: well sorrrrrry
• Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
• Boy: why?
• Girl: nevermind your an asshole
• Boy: Hey wait a minute
• Girl: yes?
• Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
• Girl: paranoid?
• Boy: yes
• Girl: of what?
• Girl: me?
• Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
• Girl: LOL
• Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
• Boy: This shit is serious!
• Girl: What are you hiding from?
• Boy: The cops.
• Girl: gimme a fucking break
• Boy: I'm serious.
• Girl: I don't get it
• Boy: The cops are after me.
• Girl: For what?
• Boy: I'm wanted in three states
• Girl: For???
• Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
• Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
• Boy: Hello?
• Girl: You are fucking sick.
• Boy: Send me your picture.
• Girl: why?
• Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
• Girl: One of what?
• Boy: The cops.
• Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
• Boy: Then send me your picture.
• Girl: hold on
• Boy: Hurry up.
• Boy: Are you there?
• Boy: fuck you, cop!
• Girl: Hey sorry
• Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
• Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
• Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
• Boy: Weren't you!?
• Girl: thats not it
• Boy: Then what?
• Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
• Boy: Most cops aren't
• Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
• Boy: Then send me the picture.
• Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
• Boy: Just send it through here.
• Girl: alright *PIC*
• Girl: Did you get it?
• Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
• Girl: That was me back in may
• Girl: I've lost weight since then.
• Boy: I hope so
• Girl: what?!?
• Girl: that hurt my feelings.
• Boy: Did it?
• Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
• Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
• Girl: yes
• Boy: Alright let me find it.
• Girl: kks
• Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
• Girl: this isn't you.
• Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
• Girl: You don't look like that.
• Boy: How the hell do you know?
• Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
• Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
• Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
• Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
• Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
• Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
• Girl: Go fuck yourself
• Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
• Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
• Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
• Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
• Girl: you hurt me.
• Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
• Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
• Boy: Why would I do that?
• Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
• Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
• Girl: FUC YOU!!!
• Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
• Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
• Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
• Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
• Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
• Girl: No you aren't
• Boy: You're right. I'm not.
• Boy: HAARRRRR!
• Girl: I'm done with you
• Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
• Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
• Boy: Wait a sec
• Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
• Boy: Wanna start over?
• Girl: No
• Boy: I'll eat your pussy
• Girl: You'll what?
• Boy: You heard me.
• Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
• Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
• Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
• Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
• Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
• Boy: I get excited in different ways.
• Girl: Like what?
• Boy: Do you really wanna know?
• Girl: I don't know
• Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
• Girl: I'm afraid to
• Boy: Why?
• Girl: cause
• Boy: cause why?
• Girl: well lets see
• Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
• Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
• Boy: Nope
• Girl: well its strange to me
• Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
• Girl: I didn't say that
• Boy: So is that a yes?
• Girl: I guess so.
• Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
• Boy: Are you willing?
• Girl: What do you need me to do?
• Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
• Girl: ???
• Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
• Boy: ok?
• Boy: Hello?
• Girl: You can't be serious
• Boy: Oh yes I am!
• Boy: It's my fantasy.
• Girl: this is retarded
• Boy: Do you want it or not?
• Girl: Yes I want it.
• Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
• Girl: sure
• Boy: Ok. Here we go.
• Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
• Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
• Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
• Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
• Girl: mmmm yeah
• Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
• Girl: Har
• Boy: You gotta do better than that!
• Boy: Your picture was really bad.
• Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
• Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
• Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
• Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
• Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
• Girl: mmmmmm you are good
• Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
• Boy: going limp
• Girl: HARRRRRRR
• Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
• Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
• Boy: going limp
• Girl: this is stupid
• Boy: ...still limp
• Boy: Do it!
• Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
• Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
• Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
• Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
• Girl: WTF?!?!?
• Boy: They stink really bad.
• Girl: OMG STOP!!!
• Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
• Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
• Boy: I ram it up your ass.
• Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
• Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
• Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
• Boy: I kick you in the face!
• Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
• Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
• Boy: Your parrot flys away.
• Boy: ...going limp again.
• Boy: Hello?
• Boy: Say it!
• Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!