- bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
- BritneySpears14: Aight.
- bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
- BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
- bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
- BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
- bloodninja: Me too baby.
- BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
- bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
- BritneySpears14: Hey...
- bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
- BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
- bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
- BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
- bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
- bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
- BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
- bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts
- DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
- bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
- bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
- bloodninja: Baby?
- bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
- j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
- bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
- j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
- j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
- bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
- j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
- j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
- bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
- j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
- bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
- j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
- bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
- bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
- j_gurli3: thats it.
- bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
- bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
- BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
- eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
- BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
- eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
- BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
- BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
- eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
- BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
- eminemBNJA: Oh ****
- BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
- eminemBNJA: Oh ****
- eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
- Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
- Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
- Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
- Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
- Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
- Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
- Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
- Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
- Sarah19fca: you like that?
- Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
- Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
- Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
- Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
- Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
- Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
- Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
- Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
- Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
- Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
- Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
- Sarah19fca: /ignore
- Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
- Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
- Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
- DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
- DirtyKate:Who are you?
- Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
- Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
- DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
- Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
- DirtyKate: Haha! OK
- DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
- Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
- DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
- Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
- DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
- DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
- Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
- **pause**
- DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
- Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
- Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
- **pause**
- DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
- Bloodninja:How did you know?
- Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
- Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
- DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
- Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
- DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
- Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
- DirtyKate:What the f**k?
- DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
- DirtyKate:F**k
- Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
- MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
- Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
- MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
- Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
- Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
- (pause)
- MommyMelissa: is that it?
- Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
- Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
- MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
- (pause)
- Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
- Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
- MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
- Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
- Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
- MommyMelissa: ...
- Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
- MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
- Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
- MommyMelissa: whatever.
- Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
- J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
- Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
- J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
- Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
- J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
- Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
- J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
- Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
- J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
- Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
- J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
- Partner6: It likes that.
- J-Dogg: aight.
- Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
- J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
- Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
- J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
- Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
- J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
- Partner6: WTF?!
- J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
- Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
- J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
- Partner6: You dipshit.
- J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
- J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.
- J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
- Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
- J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
- J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
- J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
- Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
- J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
- Partner8: Is that like cancer?
- J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
- Partner8: Good one romeo.
- J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
- Partner8: that was never a haiku.
- J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
- Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
- J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
- Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
- J-Dogg: ...
- Partner8: ?
- J-Dogg: I'm spent.
- Jdogg:Hey
- QT-Pie:Hey
- Jdogg:whats goin on
- QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
- Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
- QT-Pie:what does that mean?
- Jdogg:what are you wearing?
- QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
- Jdogg:Garter belt?
- QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
- Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
- QT-Pie: uh, okay.
- Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
- Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
- QT-Pie: WHAT?!
- Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
- Jdogg: You leave everything to jdogg.
- Jdogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
- QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
- Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
- QT-Pie: A stripe?
- Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
- QT-Pie: You're a freak.
- Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.
- Girl: Hi
- Boy: hello
- Boy: who is this?
- Girl: just a someone?
- Boy: A someone I know?
- Girl: nope
- Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
- Girl: well sorrrrrry
- Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
- Boy: why?
- Girl: nevermind your an asshole
- Boy: Hey wait a minute
- Girl: yes?
- Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
- Girl: paranoid?
- Boy: yes
- Girl: of what?
- Girl: me?
- Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
- Girl: LOL
- Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
- Boy: This shit is serious!
- Girl: What are you hiding from?
- Boy: The cops.
- Girl: gimme a fucking break
- Boy: I'm serious.
- Girl: I don't get it
- Boy: The cops are after me.
- Girl: For what?
- Boy: I'm wanted in three states
- Girl: For???
- Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
- Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
- Boy: Hello?
- Girl: You are fucking sick.
- Boy: Send me your picture.
- Girl: why?
- Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
- Girl: One of what?
- Boy: The cops.
- Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
- Boy: Then send me your picture.
- Girl: hold on
- Boy: Hurry up.
- Boy: Are you there?
- Boy: fuck you, cop!
- Girl: Hey sorry
- Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
- Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
- Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
- Boy: Weren't you!?
- Girl: thats not it
- Boy: Then what?
- Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
- Boy: Most cops aren't
- Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
- Boy: Then send me the picture.
- Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
- Boy: Just send it through here.
- Girl: alright *PIC*
- Girl: Did you get it?
- Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
- Girl: That was me back in may
- Girl: I've lost weight since then.
- Boy: I hope so
- Girl: what?!?
- Girl: that hurt my feelings.
- Boy: Did it?
- Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
- Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
- Girl: yes
- Boy: Alright let me find it.
- Girl: kks
- Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
- Girl: this isn't you.
- Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
- Girl: You don't look like that.
- Boy: How the hell do you know?
- Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
- Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
- Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
- Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
- Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
- Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
- Girl: Go fuck yourself
- Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
- Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
- Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
- Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
- Girl: you hurt me.
- Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
- Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
- Boy: Why would I do that?
- Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
- Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
- Girl: FUC YOU!!!
- Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
- Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
- Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
- Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
- Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
- Girl: No you aren't
- Boy: You're right. I'm not.
- Boy: HAARRRRR!
- Girl: I'm done with you
- Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
- Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
- Boy: Wait a sec
- Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
- Boy: Wanna start over?
- Girl: No
- Boy: I'll eat your pussy
- Girl: You'll what?
- Boy: You heard me.
- Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
- Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
- Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
- Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
- Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
- Boy: I get excited in different ways.
- Girl: Like what?
- Boy: Do you really wanna know?
- Girl: I don't know
- Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
- Girl: I'm afraid to
- Boy: Why?
- Girl: cause
- Boy: cause why?
- Girl: well lets see
- Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
- Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
- Boy: Nope
- Girl: well its strange to me
- Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
- Girl: I didn't say that
- Boy: So is that a yes?
- Girl: I guess so.
- Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
- Boy: Are you willing?
- Girl: What do you need me to do?
- Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
- Girl: ???
- Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
- Boy: ok?
- Boy: Hello?
- Girl: You can't be serious
- Boy: Oh yes I am!
- Boy: It's my fantasy.
- Girl: this is retarded
- Boy: Do you want it or not?
- Girl: Yes I want it.
- Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
- Girl: sure
- Boy: Ok. Here we go.
- Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
- Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
- Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
- Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
- Girl: mmmm yeah
- Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
- Girl: Har
- Boy: You gotta do better than that!
- Boy: Your picture was really bad.
- Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
- Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
- Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
- Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
- Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
- Girl: mmmmmm you are good
- Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
- Boy: going limp
- Girl: HARRRRRRR
- Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
- Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
- Boy: going limp
- Girl: this is stupid
- Boy: ...still limp
- Boy: Do it!
- Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
- Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
- Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
- Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
- Girl: WTF?!?!?
- Boy: They stink really bad.
- Girl: OMG STOP!!!
- Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
- Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
- Boy: I ram it up your ass.
- Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
- Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
- Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
- Boy: I kick you in the face!
- Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
- Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
- Boy: Your parrot flys away.
- Boy: ...going limp again.
- Boy: Hello?
- Boy: Say it!
- Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!